The Friendly Shark Foundation

Shark Week just ended on the Discovery Channel. A week of vicious shark attacks and brutal maulings. And what purpose does this serve but to entertain males between the ages of 12 and 30, to permanently scar young children and to bore grown women? Absolutely nothing. Personally, I am sick of the fear-mongering sensationalist drivel the Discovery Channel airs in a (successful) attempt to get ratings. I would rather see a dolphin die caught in the discarded rings of a six-pack of Dr. Pepper, or some ladies old fish-net stockings, than have the Discovery Channel air another documentary tarnishing the good name of the Great White Shark. Soon we'll be calling them, "the EVIL BLOOD-RED GIANT-MAN-EATING-FISH-THINGIE!!!" I have swam on the beachs of *counts* TWO oceans in *counts* TWO countries and never once have I recieved an unprovoked attack from a shark. I mean that one time I did call him a stupid fish, so I guess you could say I deserved it.

Anyway, because I feel so strongly that sharks are truly innocent creatures with their good-standing in society tarnished by the likes of the Discovery Channel and Steven Spielberg, I declare tomorrow, Wednesday, August 12, 2009, annual Befriend a Shark Day, and call forth the first congress of the Friendly Shark Foundation, an organization bent on (no that sounds evil) DEDICATED TO bringing to light the more amiable qualities of sharks worldwide and educating the world on the plight of the shark (biggest run-on sentence EVER). Forget Discovery Channel's pathetic Shark Week, a tradition 22 years outdated, we will celebrate our own fantastic FRIENDLY SHARK WEEK and start a new and modern annual tradition to last a thousand years (or at least 3 more until the world ends)! For the rest of this week I will be posting stories about friendly sharks who cuddle with kittens (See above) and jump through hoops and play ball. We could all learn something from sharks. As a wise (and friendly) shark once said, "Fish are friends not food." And while I love me a good catfish, I'm just saying, don't eat your friends, also, if sharks are YOUR friend, don't soil their good name with lies look at the statistics, shark attacks are rare so stop fueling the rumours! More people kill people than sharks and thats a fact!