Lately, there has been a rash of bicycle thefts in my neighbourhood. Living in an upper-class suburb, that means expensive bicycles and pissed off, paranoid neighbours. While the rest of the passersby are buzzing about the problem and complaining, "Somebody should teach them a lesson!" I am laughing at the whole situation because A: What is someone doing with a $2500 bicycle anyway? Honestly everyone else only uses one of their 15 gears, why do you need 30? AND B: The crime duo's Modus Operandi (Celtic... just kidding) is absolutely fantastic.
See, the two will target a house with their garage doors open, they will ride in on their own bicycles, usually one-gear speed-bikes from a by-gone era. They ride in, take the expensive bikes and drop off their antique jewels. In one case they actually left a tandem bicycle (or bicycle-built-for-two) in the place of the more expensive bikes. Now having recently traveled to downtown Toronto (haven of hipsters) to see the Arcade Fire's concert promoting their new album "The Suburbs" (which was a fantastic show by the way) I came to be well acquainted with the idea that one-gear speed-bikes are hip. Thus I have concluded that these felons are stylish in their crime.
If I did not believe that these ne'erdowells were simply trying to make a quick buck and cause trouble, I would dream up some story of how these were Robin Hood Hipsters stealing from the rich, and bringing hipster style to the masses. They steal the (needless) $2500 bicycles pawn them off and purchase, at garage sales, through the internet, etc. old jewel junkers to give to their "victims." Really they are just trying to make everyone a little bit cooler and a little less snobbish.
(The Picture: My own contribution, okay I stole the parts, but I spliced 'em good....ish)
Musics: Arcade Fire - The Suburbs (Music Video)
