I ran into a mob of zombies on my drive home the other day. They were just milling about in the street bumping into one another picking fights with their neighbours. A couple had even set up a little picnic table on the center-line and were having a zombie-style tea-party. What do they have in their tea? Two creams a teaspoon of lemon juice and of course a dash of human spinal fluid. Needless to say, I had a dilemma, what do you do when confronted by a seething mass of inhumanity in your car? Well having recently studied the driver's handbook I knew the answer to that age old question. Honk, accelerate and mow the Cerebral Masticators down being sure to implode as many semi-intact skulls as possible. My driving instructor would be proud. Sitting in the passenger seat was my father, visibly shocked at my display of dangerous driving causing bodily harm. It didn't help that he had his window rolled down and now had little bits of rancid putrefying flesh stuck in his hair. At least no disembodied limbs found their way in.
The rest of the drive was quite uneventful. We saw no more stray zombies, as they usually mass in these dense pockets blocking major roadways and thoroughfares, or clog of the lobbies of banks or the foyers of shopping malls but why am I telling you; you've all seen it for yourself. Unless you live in Battersea, but then, you couldn't tell the difference between a zombie and a human there. The sum-total of Kingston's zombie population was probably present at their road-side tea-party. If it turns out to be a popular location the city will have to put up a warning sign. Zombies 1 km ahead. Frankly, I'm just finding that zombies are becoming a nuisance in everyday life. Not a day goes by I'm not hassled by a zombie looking for brains. I can't imagine what it's like living in Montreal or NYC what with the gang-related organ-harvesting. I don't understand why people think its a good idea to cater to these zombie-folk. Zombie-folk, that just makes them sound quaint and friendly, like the Amish. Yeah that's right I just compared flesh-eating aberrations to the Amish.
Anyway, long story short, the zombies are getting out of hand and it begs the question; how long until they take over? Is the zombie apocalypse nigh? Will we learn to live in relative peace with these sub-human creatures who have defied the proverbial "Circle of Life"? We've already had to re-write the textbooks on this one. Will the zombie population reach a critical mass and take over, overwhelming our military forces? Really we should stop fighting each other and prepare for a war on death. But then we have all these human rights groups claiming that the zombies have intelligence beneath their instinctual ceaseless march for spinal fluid, and they're going to keep whining about kids with fire-crackers and baseball bats. For god's sake, if we don't do something soon, they'll kill us off or worse we'll become zombies. Just thank god they are the slow kind that are easy to take out with a sawn-off in one hand and some TNT in the other.
Anyway the point of this blog is in this article, you've got to love Canadian scientists. Zombie Take-over. As Philly-D put it, "Scientists in Canada apparently tired of trying to find a cure for AIDS decided, 'hey, let's find some mathematicians and figure out if the world would be over if zombies took over.'."
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